21 Jun 2011

Thumb Rules for Happy Relationships

Busy as a bee, but even then my thoughts find time to wander into uncharted waters. Something that recently caught my fancy was a thought of Osho. In a very laconic way, he states the secret to happy relations. According to him, we have to realize three basic truths of life :
  • Nobody is born for another
  • Nobody is here to fulfill your ideals of how he should be.
  • You are the master of your own love and you can give as much as you want but you cannot demand love from another person.
 Yes, the rules are simple but to sink them deep into your mind is not a simple task.

The first rule is the simplest. We came alone into this world and will be leaving alone.We transverse the journey of our life alone. All that people can provide is a false impression that they will be there forever. We are all separate individuals swimming across the turbulent water, trying to reach our destination. Don't always expect people to come up to your help when you are trapped in the undercurrents. Who knows, others might be battling their own private battles at the very same time.

The second rule is more insightful. We all have expectations from people, we have a preconceived notion of how a person is or should be. But its not always correct. Your ideals about a person don't necessarily have to be the way the person is and you cannot demand it from them. All that you can do is accept the person for who he really is. Giving space for other's individuality is a very important factor in any relation. You cannot expect everyone to behave in the way you want them to. Understand it and move on with life.

The last rule is the easiest to understand and the most difficult to implement. Our love is very often, a give and take institution. Most of the people feel that they have a right to expect back love in a quantity proportional to what they are giving out. That is selfish love. Love is a weird thing. It comes naturally to us but most of us don't know how to love. The way I express my love will not be the same way in which you express it. A person would naturally be expecting someone to love him the way he understands it. This leads to misunderstandings which brood discomfort and problems. All this is absent in selfless love. Selfless love is the purest form of love in which you give and give, never expecting a thing from others. It is not an easy task at all. But once you have learned to love that way, life would become a lot easier and fulfilling.

At this point, you might ask me if I follow these rules. I'm a student of life. I try out these so called rules searching for the ones that suit me the best. Of all the things Osho said, there was one that I personally loved.

Don't blindly follow the rules of anyone.Question them. Learn from life, explore and make your own rules...!

Now that's what I call the real thumb rule... :)

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