19 Dec 2012

Wedding Woes

Up till now, marriage was a distant concept that I didn't really give much thought to. " Marriage is for grown ups, I am just a kid ",  was what I had in mind. After my college ended, slowly the concept of  marriage started looming large. There were news of my friends getting engaged and some batch mates marrying. I watched it with amazement. "Why are they marrying so early?", I often wondered.

Today, my close friend got married and I haven't really got over the shock. Of course I am really happy for her. She got a really great person as her husband and she is very happy. But the concept of my friend growing up and becoming a responsible wife, is scary. How is she bearing the stress of leaving her parents and going into a strange house, how is she going to adjust with the people there. I guess I am more tensed than her. Marriage, for me, is scary!More so because, " when are you planning to get married?", has become the new favorite question of people around me.

Wedding Woes

Most of the girls I know have taken to the idea of marriage like its the next most natural thing. They don't even question if its a necessity in life. They are the lucky ones who can be happy with the idea of marriage and a settled life. For the rest of us, marriage is not the next big thing. Some people might find it surprising to know that we girls do have dreams that do not involve husband and kids.

If you are in India and did not doz off for the last few years,  you would be familiar with the Indian marriage market. Every girl (and guy) is put up for a selling price that is directly proportional to the background of her family, her education and looks. I have friends whose sole purpose of earning a degree was to win a better groom and up their value in the marriage market. Some others were asked to take down their pictures from social networking sites (specially ones involving male friends) to project a clean image in front of the prospective groom. I even had a guy remark, " My brother's bride is a very good girl, she doesn't even have an fb account". What the hell? If you believe that having an fb account is a negative mark, then you ought to get your head examined, Mr.

Of late, the bar for marriageable age has come down significantly. Men and women marry young at an age when marriage is nothing but a fascinating concept. I remember an episode of a reality show involving mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws where, a girl asked her husband's mother why she let her son marry at a young age of 22. Her concerns were genuine, the guy wasn't mature enough for marriage and it was the girl who had to bear the brunt.

When I was talking about my concerns of people marrying at a younger age, it was my cousin who enlightened me on the biological aspects of it. With changing times and changing lifestyles, the fertile period of a woman's life is coming down to a period between the age of  20-30. Beyond the age, child bearing becomes increasingly difficult and complicated. So, doctors recommend women to marry young.

Now the question arises, what should we give importance to, the biological aspects or the psychological ones. Should we marry young and immature for the sake of fertility concerns or should we take the risk and wait till we are ready for marriage. I will go with the second option any time.

As with most of the things, its a personal choice, whether to marry in early 20s or early 30s or whether to stay single forever. There is no right and wrong in marriageable age. The right age is when you are ready.

I have to say this on behalf of thousands of girls like me. Society, you can force us as much as you want. But we have dreams and aims and wide blue sky to soar. Prince charming can wait till we say we are ready. Because, we respect the institution of marriage so much that we are not taking  lifelong commitment in the rush of a moment.


  1. I had a friend back in school. We shared the same birthday. Now she has a child aged 2 and we are just 22. I used to feel terribly bad about it. But she is very happy with her life. It's a strange world.
    PS: Neenu do join this group in facebook.( For kochi bloggers)

    1. Wow.. That must be really weird for you.. :) Thanx for directing me to the fb group, Nevin..

  2. good read neenus.....you would immediately have thought here comes rameez to object....:-) well,not quite....i respect your worries and concerns...but,just have this in mind....u r free to have views n perceptions....its not necessary that they are either right or wrong....it can be either.....

    from this side of the shore,u feel so weird about marriages and many girls do feel like you...but does that mean the other half is completely down trodden??

    It was God who decided human should co-exist as man and wife..."He knows it better" is an easy explanation I can give as I feel lazy to type lot....... :-D

    later...till then bye..

    1. Its always a pleasure to see your comments rameez.. I enjoy healthy criticism.. ;)

      I don't think the other half is downtrodden. I can see that they are very happy and some feel marriage has given them freedom like never before.

      Yes, God does know what is best for each one of us. The best thing for some may not be the best thing for others. That is the point I was raising. :)

  3. Wow!! am I glad there are ppl like me out there!! :) I'm not alone after all!!! yay!!
    Good post Neenu... Probably the ones like us need to stand up strong n change the world... Well we could try at least :P

  4. Sure Beni!! :D Cheers to freedom and staying single.. ;)